Cry my Angel...
Updated: Oct 20, 2021
Pain is unavoidable when dealing with your emotional baggage. Many choose to ‘deal’ with it by avoiding unpacking it in the first place, and so the added pain they endure is that of having to carry it around day to day, year to year, decade to decade. They become utterly exhausted by it and then wonder why they have no bandwidth to manifest their dreams.
I get why people do this, because the other way of dealing with it scares the shit out of us.
Because, when we stop and actually unpack our baggage, we have to feel-it-to-heal it, and yes, that means going right into our pain and transmuting it - transmuting that shadow into light.
Yes, it’s ugly, often snotty and feels totally out-of-control. But guess what? Once you’ve faced it/felt it, you don’t have the burden of carrying it around any longer. You literally become lighter.
I remember reading a story many years ago, of an 80 year old woman who spent her entire life not realising she had experienced sexual abuse as a child - she had not spent much time in her spirit or emotional body throughout her lifetime - until one night her trauma energy started to defrost, and those painful, frozen memories came to the surface, reliving them like they were happening to her, in this very moment. This is the nature of energy and trauma, especially when our wounding is in childhood; we are to young mentally to rationalise, process and transmute our feelings, so we freeze them. Energetically, we freeze them and store them away, into our emotional, energetic and physical bodies. This is often what creates great dis-ease, heaviness, distortion and discomfort in our later years. I get it, who in their right minds would actively endeavour to re-live those painful experiences?
I guess the answer is, those brave enough to fight for and work for their inner peace and inner freedom. As it takes great courage. A courage that is always supported by our guides and the entire universe at large.
From my own experience, these deep inner processes sometimes feel like Death (perhaps this is another reason why we avoid the work), where we reach a place in that pain where it feels/looks like it is, The End. Yet, re-surface hours or even days later, having felt renewed and re-born. It feels like death, because it was a death, It was a literal death of the shadow, of the old. But, like all endings there is renewal and if you literally do not physically die, you will be re-born, reintegrated into more of your, truer You.
Ironically though, for those who have experienced such intended and unintended moments of release, sometimes these wounds (depending on how deep) feel like they resurface even after we have “faced them”. From what I have understood from my own journey of healing, it is not that it hasn’t "worked", or that it hasn’t been transmuted, or released, it’s just that (the best analogy to use), is the very nature of our wounds, is like a tree;
Some wounds are seeds, some are saplings and some are giant Oaks.
In one facing-our-pain experience, we may chop a large branch, then the next time, we may even get to the trunk, but until we have showed up in our inner warrior (everyone has an inner warrior), and transmuted that shadow time and time again. . . Until we've reached the roots of our original wounding and pulled them from the ground then, it is not, essentially or completely transmuted.
So, don't be dismayed if you have showed up for yourself time and time again to have the same wound surface. If you have the ability to see it/feel it, you can sense there is a difference each time you move it. It may feel like a deeper aspect or you're touching on another angle, it may be lighter or less frightening... Keep showing up, keep going 'in', keep meeting your inner child and giving him/her the care, safety, love and presence they never received in the moment of the original wounding. This is the work, this is the alchemy you will never be taught in school, this is what truly heals our wings and returns us back to our truer selves.
The beauty about these wounds and this alchemy, is that it is never all-for-nothing. Once we transmute or pain, it is then turned into wisdom, wisdom we can then use to help and heal others, mother nature, our family, more of ourselves and make the 'All-is-one' lighter and lighter; returning us Home.
So cry my angel, cry that shit out, like you’ve never cried before.
There is great freedom in those tears. The freedom of (f)light.